Relationships are one of life’s fickle aspects. Some people just get them, they know what to do to catch and keep a person. Others just wander through life being exposed to the colours and patterns of human characters, but never really catching anything. Another theory is they have no idea what they want, so they are unable to see what is in front of them. Or maybe they just haven’t found the right one which makes their glue stick. There are also those who use long strips of Sello tape because that’s the easiest way to catch flies. Anything is better than nothing, if only for the procreation of the next generation.
I suppose, if you have lived life to the fullest, turned over every stone on your path, been there done that, you might be willing to settle and compromise, if only to grant your parents some peace of mind in their old age. In the case where screwing up and second chances are luxuries you can only dream of, there is nothing like the blessings of unintended consequences.
Sometimes seeking advice from professionals is useful. Dietitians, recruitment consultants, spiritual people, and style advisors and anyone in the wellbeing guidance business can guide you in the right direction. You never know what kind of new perspectives you gain.
One day I thought it was about time I consulted a dating expert. I know such professionals exist because they have authoritative newsletters, tempting you to buy their books. After a bit of googling and checking events I came across a dating guru’s free workshop. I was familiar with the name so I signed up for it, looking forward to an outing where I would acquire some practical insight.
I must admit the dating guru himself is really handsome, and capable of selling a service which just requires a lot of persistence and an openness towards new experiences. I think more than anything, if you are looking for new holiday experiences, spending the kind of money on the retreats arranged by his team, and the follow-up events to practice your new skills, might be worth it. I don’t think the stuff he said was rocket science, but he had good presentation skills. In fact so good, he reminded me of those property dealers in Dubai who set up promotional stalls in malls to attract customers for their upcoming residential projects, which are pre-paid in installments over a couple of years.
Much of what he says in the workshop is already written in many self-help books. However, hearing the things and illustrated through real life experiences was interesting. Moreover, dating is just another life phase leading to other things and stages. I don’t believe you can skip the learning curve process. Sometimes it takes longer to learn the lessons. Sometimes you just have to accept defeat, only to change your approach and focus. Other times you just have to let go, because even if something is the best, it may not be right for you. However, any relationship requires hard work and dedication to survive. Individuals are chemical beings, they don’t run according to a manual.
Hence, the dating guru commanded to be proactive, confident and strategize. Just like a good massage depends on hitting the right pressure points, similarly, catching a person requires pushing certain pressure points to engender the kind of changes you want in your life. Just keep talking to people.
The person who coordinated the workshop I attended was also one of his former clients. He would often cite her example of how she was having difficulties finding a partner, but after joining the dating guru’s workshop and attending his retreats, less than a year later she was carrying her partner’s child. She was his personal guarantee that his strategies worked with anyone who joined his programme. Moreover, anyone who booked his weekend retreat through the free workshop would get a 20% discount off the original price.
After his presentation, he opened the floor for a Q & A session. I had a question brewing in my mind during his talk and I was interested in his feedback. I told him,
“I come from a very close- knit family background and a very strict way of life. However, people I come across through travels and work find it hard to understand that considering such a strict life I have good interpersonal skills and able to deal with the most annoying and difficult people. In fact, according to them I’m not supposed to have those skills.”
Initially, I guess he had to digest everything I told him. Once he replied he said:
“Oh really? As for your background, it has nothing to do with your background. Maybe you’re not as confident as you think,”
and continued onto other questions. Another tip he gave during the sessions was never to behave in a clingy way. Just show you have other stuff to do besides focusing on him.
I think, in general the free workshop was an interesting outing. It is a good way for him to earn money by offering a discount for women who need new travel experiences. Or it could be another way to meet people in a similar relationship situation as themselves.
The next day I received a follow up call from the dating guru’s team. It was a good 30 minutes conversation, trying to entice me to sign up for the weekend retreat, and enquiring about the quality of the workshop. I thought it was useful and informative and the handouts were great. He did ask whether it was something worth paying for, I thought so, and once my schedule allowed for it I would most definitely join the weekend workshop. This is because you can always improve your social skills.
He was quite persistent. In fact so persistent, that I got a good answer to my question without mentioning it. He said the same issue was raised about people from more conservative backgrounds. He had clients from Dubai and other countries in the Middle East, such as Iran and Turkey. His female client faced the same issues as Westerners, but once they joined his programme they had managed to successfully get marriage proposals and they were happily married. This only proves that it has nothing to do with your cultural background, but your strategy in approaching how to met more men and find a suitable guy. That was a very sellable explanation, except I’d rather spend that amount on an international plane ticket, inclusive hotel stay, than a weekend stay at some luxury country house.
Nevertheless what you think is the best for you, might not be, and what you think is the worst for you, may be the very best…. If only you know. Therefore, in life, choosing rubbish over glitter sometimes teaches you to identify a bad deal better than when you are used to getting the good stuff and suddenly have to accept rubbish as if it is gold. I think these are pretty much the rules of the dating game.
Once you are able to identify a bad deal you should never compromise on your actual worth, but always be the one willing to explore options until the bitter end. If things don’t work out, it was never meant to be and no one can blame you. I think you don’t need a dating guru to tell you all this, you just need faith in yourself. Try to be a nice person that people want to be around. Be persistent and hardworking because money don’t grow on trees. If you still feel the need to consult a dating guru, sign up for a free workshop to get a discount. This is because on a postive note, some might actually benefit from this kind of advice service.