Life is a funny thing. Either you get it or you don’t. It’s a mystery never meant to be unravelled.

as a child I was told work hard, get an education and the world is yours. Been there done that, except the world isn’t mine to claim. It belongs to the status quo, the big fish who eat small fish, it belongs to those on the top of the food chain. If there is a sense of utilitarian goodwill, you will get ahead. Otherwise you’re only good enough till the task is done. Which I guess is a diluted form of utilitarian goodwill. People love to show muscles, especially if it means keeping down someone who does a better job than you, or someone who reminds you of everything that is wrong with their system. In the latter case someone is kept down because by acknowledging you, your existence and your experiences and the amorality of it all, they have to admit a mistake was made, a wrong was done. So rather than supporting you, they will have you kicked out and the person who was about to get fired due to incompetence from the Headquarter will be saved by someone, whose authority matters because he had been in the organization the longest.

I promised myself if I ever get the chance to tell my story to the highest command I would, even if it meant getting sent back home. Some say I ruined my career, I wasn’t serious about the opportunity. I disagree, I fulfilled my duties, but more importantly, I fulfilled a promise I made to not to sell myself to the lowest bidding devil. I don’t regret it at all. The reason for this blog is to give an insight into my understanding of international development. Many of my stories focus on religion and my interpretation of the particular situation. This is because, in the developing world, faith, religion and belief systems are intrinsic to daily life.

Development is more than just giving charity, fundraising, monitoring and evaluation, policy frameworks and political decision making, fancy conference meals and deals. It is an approach to greater understanding of humanity and how we go about things in this world of ours. Some would say, but isn’t that what anthropologists do? It is, but the development focus always worked better for me, or maybe because the training I was given in development was far more superior to the training I was given in anthropology–which to me was more like a fresher’s course in how to live and survive in the developing world; what cruel, degrading and inhuman treatment really is and how it is just another form of color blind racism.

Finally, to end my introduction, when I started my life in the developing world, zipped up my boots and went back to my roots, I was told on my arrival in the ruthless world that the organizations in general were unsuitable for me because I was actually dedicated and qualified to do such work. Moreover, whatever was going on in those organizations was not serious work, but just shadow dancing to get funds. The best thing for me would be to set up my own organization and work from that platform. Now years of travelling and living in new and distant places, places of civilization, places of worship, not to mention tons of application and difficult interviews which never materialized, I have to accept the obvious…no one is going to hire me. If I get hired it will be to finish off a task they can’t, or be a stand in till the person they want is ready to take over from where I left, and the supervisor get the recognition for my graft and toil. At least with my “outfit” I’m the boss and I can’t unintentionally bypass certain professional sensitivities I always thought were left behind once upon a time in kindergarden or nursery. I guess even in adulthood people have never really grown up.